Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
