Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
