I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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