just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
