It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
