things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
