beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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