took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I looked at my own cervix.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
