I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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