if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
