Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
