I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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