Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're a waste of cheezeits
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
