His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
