Your dad touched me again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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