We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
