Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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