Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
