Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
