So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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