I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
