What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
