so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
