Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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