whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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