Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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