Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
