i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
