I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
so much tequila, so little girl.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
