Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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