Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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