Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
