Screwed.edu
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
