SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
