ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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