Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
