I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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