it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
