dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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