my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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