I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
