Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
