I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
