woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
