Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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