When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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