So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
