So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How external is "for external use only"?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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