yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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