I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
