i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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