So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
