Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
