Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
