he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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