good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
