Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
