Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize