That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
